We.Write.The.Wrong

Perfection.Was.Breathing.On.My.Neck

2003-08-06T22:53:00.000-05:00

Can you hear the accusitions
that float inside your mind?
Do you even feel slightly guilty
when you look at me across the room?
The things you've admitted to yourself,
and perhaps one day to me,
can't change the things you've already done.
You know you could steal a kiss,
and my heart while you're at it,
and I wouldn't lift a finger to fight you.
You know this all too well...
Can I say one last thing?
Can I take one last breath?

Perfection was breathing on my neck.

Whisper my name once more...

In.Time.I'll.Know.Enough.To.Know.Better

2003-08-06T22:51:00.000-05:00

Make your choice now,
how the cards will be played,
and my emotions will be saved.
The hurt and the burn
in time all I can do is pray I learn
not to dream of belonging to something a little more
than what I've ever deserved before.

The feelings you don't tell me
only give me room to see
that the love you have in your heart
will never be mine in any part.
The nights we spent together were wonderful,
some words we've exchanged have been hurtful,
now all I can do it watch you stress
I want to be there for you during the whole mess.

Summer.Is.The.Season.Of.Heartbreak

2003-08-06T22:50:00.000-05:00

Yesterday would have made one year since I met you.
I was at the show,
wondering when I would see you walk in to the beats of the music.
The lyrics were speaking to my heart like you used to.
But as the music died and the lyrics faded away
I realized that my hope had died with them.
I remember when you promised me you would be at the concert.
Another broken promise for me to hold on to,
because you know I hold on to everything of yours.

I could remember everything from camp then.
The makeshift box holds all memories
that can't be kept in mind.
The woven chain,
broken balloons from my birthday,
the ring that burned a circle on my finger,
a bracelet of guitar strings broke from heartbreak,
the surprise flowers,
and the pictures that were split up long after we had.
The pick on the necklace I wear
is the little bit of you I refuse to put away.
But I've pretty much lost you anyways.

It seemed like you always managed to break my heart
at the same time the seasons changed.
But this is the worst by far...
they always told me that the end of summer
was the season of heartbreaks.
If that's true,
I wish I had met you in the winter.

Front.Seat.Riders

2003-07-29T17:24:00.000-05:00

Of all the nights to be without you,
of all the times for me to go through
this aimless wandering, searching for the perfection
that only those crystal blue eyes can give.

Sure, I have my friends here with me,
and maybe I'm so alone as I make out to be
but nothing really compares to your company,
I wish you were sitting here with me.

Riding along through the sun-dappled back road,
a few more miles then you're home
the front seat of your car is empty
I wish I was riding in the front seat of your heart.

It's been a week since I've last seen you,
and now I need to see you again, it's true
the things I'm feeling aren't normal anymore
and for once, I hope I'm wrong.

Pull into your driveway, shut off the engine
walk up the drive, open the door and get in.
Knowing you're home safe is all I need right now
as you drift off to sleep, and I wonder, do you dream of me?

Because tonight I drempt you turned up in my yard,
giving up everything that was so hard
running away with you into the sunset
because I drempt I was in the front seat of your heart.

Here.It.Comes.And.Goes

2003-06-16T00:00:00.000-05:00

Well here it comes,
another night of feeling useless.
And all I have
are memories to get me through this.
I was so hurt
and on your shirt were stains of my tears
and all you held that night was the evidence of my fears.
What do you expect for me to do?

Here I go.
I wanted you to know
that you ment more to me
than I ever let myself show.
And here I stand
and you never lent a hand,
I'm faltering as I stand alone
and here I go.

I feel my tears
they're running like rivers down my face.
My heart is blackened
I'm hiding from you in all my disgrace.
I thought I was mature enough to handle this
I guess all that I could take was this last wasted kiss.
Just goes to show that all I'm worth is this.

I miss you so
there's just always something missing.
You'll never know
what I thought while we were kissing.
I was happy and much, much more
only to find that I'd be left here on the floor.
What do I have when all I have is yours?

And here I am
nothing more than what I was when we began.
Now I all I have left is
the last goodbyes said in the van.
So here I go
I just wanted you to know
you ment so much to me
and here I let you go.

Half.The.Words

2003-06-13T23:28:00.000-05:00

Half the words I said
couldn't convey the whole meaning
of everything I ever wanted to say,
but never could.
Anyone could say
"I miss you" or "Come back".
It's all so over rated...
I want to give you something special,
something you deserve.

The light outside is growing dim,
fading like old memories of you.
I thought I never would forget
the times we spent
and the emotions you introduced me to.
And I know I can never forget
the tears I cried knowing
you were forgetting me at that very moment.

This heart of mine is beating
every beat is spelling out your name
and spelling out my demise.
Every pulse brings me closer to the edge,
I'm breaking down inside.
I need you so much
and I know I don't deserve you...
but that doesn't mean I can't dream.

Untitled

2003-06-12T21:25:00.000-05:00

Midnight doesn't seem so late
when I'm waiting for you,
but that only happens in my dreams.
A storm came rolling in tonight
and although I was afraid,
there was the comform in the thought
of your storm blue eyes.
All I've ever wanted
is all I've never gotten.
And although I've never thought you cold
maybe this silence proves it.
Maybe I should keep my mouth shut.
And as the storm sweeps over me
I scream into the gale of wind and rain
but my words are lost.
They travel to you over the miles
you awake to my voice,
now a whisper, uttering
"I miss you."

Hands.And.Heart

2003-06-12T21:14:00.000-05:00

Crying on the church camp bench,
it seems all too repetative.
I've done this for the past six months,
and the first time I've seen you
since February, you don't even
hug me, I'm alone.
My paper is stained
with water from the rain,
mixed with emotions from my tears.
The last six months have been hell,
failure after failure.
Were you the only good I knew?
Are you the only thing here
worth saving?
The cold has turned this old
ring you gave me to ice,
it's burning a circle on my finger.
With my fingers numb from the cold
ripping out my heart wouldn't
hurt as much as normal.
Because the cold and rain has numbed
my hands and heart.

The.Angel

2003-06-11T22:38:00.000-05:00

I sit here, as the blood from the angel's wing drips onto my face. I feel every movement of the crimson liquid as it moves across my skin. Chilling and yet buring at the same time, but aren't all old memories like that? You say the fear of being hurt is burning in your mind? Well, the chill of memories that should be long dead and burried are rising up from their shallow graves. Someone so like me, yet different sets of problems. Lies, betrayal, hatred, confinement....... the darkness closes in. The darkness of pain covers your soul, devouring love, hope, and trust. All that is left is the lifeless shell of a human who is afraid of being hurt, skeptical to trust, and unwilling to love. Odd how a simple piece of paper can unfold the past and change the future.

The angel shudders. Is this the end, or does something much worse await in the darkening shadows around him? A fallen, broken angel hangs for the crimes he commited. He cries out for mercy from the fear welling up within. But the shattered silence is his answer. I sit under him and see the emotions swimming in his eyes. The tears mixed with blood cover my face, but I cannot turn away..... is pain this beautiful? All my life, I have felt the tug of hate and fear combined with pain at my heart. Will it lead me to this fate? No, I will not allow myself to give into the darkness. Nor should you.

The light is coming....

The angel's heart falters. Remember how it felt to come out of the darkness, and into the light? These are not musings of a tired mind..... these words were collected to find strength in. I'm looking for ways to keep you here.... I can't touch you, what reassurance do I have that you are not slipping away daily in front of me? I hate not being able to stop the turning of the tides, not being able to control the beating of my heart, not having power over the things that be..... but the world finds joy in telling me I have nothing, that nothing can be acomplished through me.... am I so worthless I cannot control my own fate? That I cannot influence yours?

The angel cries out....... in the silence, the angel passes away, taking all the burning memories of failure, hate and pain with him. The room is put to silence. The only sound it the splatter of the blood dripping on my face........ This world is so cruel.

I.Don't.Want.To

2003-06-11T22:22:00.000-05:00

I don't want to speand another night alone....
but what choice do I have?
I'm so inspired by you.
I can't get over you.
I'm falling more for you...
and you've been gone close to half a year.
I can't say that I'm over it,
that I've moved on...
remember?
I promised never to lie to you.
Why start now?
What I would give to have you back...
hell, I would do anything.
Anything is better than this,
the pain I put myself through.
I hate myself for being so idiotic,
for being so blind to see what I was throwing away.
Why the hell am I always so dumb?
Why did I have to think of you now?
Why did you all of a sudden pop back into my mind?
I swear, it happens on purpose...
my mind is out to get me.
I don't want to say this...
but what choice do I have?
I'll swallow my pride and get this over with....
I sound so weak and pathetic saying this but....
Damn it, you own my heart.

The.Last.Song?

2003-06-11T22:17:00.000-05:00

Is this the song that I will write for you?
Don't you know how many times I've said that?
When you went away
I cried all day,
cried myself to sleep.
Here I am, almost a month later
still singing the same song,
singing about how much I still want you back.

Can you blame me
for waiting around for you?
You up and left me,
my heart bleeding on the ground
right where it was torn out.
But I still pick up my guitar
and sing about how I miss you.
I'm losing conciousness quickly,
will this be the last song I write for you?

I'm singing about the day I met you,
it quickly turned cold
My wet hair froze,
but I saw you and felt warm enough to set fire.
The cold doesn't phase me,
but why am I shivering around you?

Can you blame me
for waiting around for you?
You up and left me,
my heart bleeding on the ground
right where it was torn out.
But I still pick up my guitar
and sing about how I miss you.
I'm losing conciousness quickly,
will this be the last song I write for you?

Now I'm lying here,
my heart and soul pouring out
mixing with the blood from my torn heart.
The strings of my guitar are stained in red
I'm feeling light headed,
but not the way you make me feel.
I collapse to the ground,
ending the last song I wrote for you.

Damn.The.Luck

2003-06-11T22:16:00.000-05:00

The nights seem so long in the summer,
Iwant to reach out for you,
but the open expanse of the sky is my boundary.

Damn the luck
That I'm stuck in repeat
with our old song.
The night sky is laughing at me.
Taunting me, I know I'm alone.

I woke up this morning
to the cold sheets and tear-stained pillow sheets.
It's been too long since the side of my bed was warm,
but then again, it was always cold after you left.
Just think of it as going away for a long time.

Sleeping away the anniversary of the day we met
Doesn't seem fitting for the end of something so great
Forcing myself to live in hell
for the crimes I've commited.

The day we first laughed together
letting the stress out
Spring days are always lonely now,
and spring nights are always cold.
Without you and the fire.

Here's.What.I.Ment.But.I.Never.Said

2003-06-11T22:11:00.000-05:00

I was thinking,
thinking...
And I thought
"What was I thinking when I let you go?"
I was thinking,
thinking...
and while the thoughts raced
my emotions made a baracade
and the tears overflowed.

Maybe I was thinking too loud
because now you know
and you make me feel like a fool.
The sun coming through the window pane
makes your eyes seem even brighter...
and as the rain drips after the storm
reflecting the receading clouds in your eyes.
The sun's coming out,
and I'm here to greet it in your eyes.

Sleepless nights only result in more questions,
I wonder what you're thinking about right now...
And although you're only a few cabins away...
it's even further including the space in our hearts.

Crumbled papers hold evidence
of sleepless nights spend writting...
composing songs to tell you
"Here's what I ment, but I never said."
But is there any song worthy of giving to you?
That you can call your own?
Because I want to give you something,
something so much more...

When I said I missed you
I ment I missed YOU,
not the person standing here now...
And as we talk,
I can see the fireworks from memories of long ago,
spent lying in your arms
and the colors painting the sky your favourite color.

Because here's what I ment, but I never said.

Reflecting.The.Moonlight.In.An.Eclipse

2003-06-11T15:35:00.000-05:00

Early morning spent lying asleep
in the bus seat,
right next to you.
A constant poking in the side
reminds me that I do exist,
and you aren't a dream.

Walking through the grey haze
that hangs in the hallways of high school,
waiting for the cahnce to break out.
You grab my hand and say,
"Let's run away together."
Answering my prayers,
we're leaving the halls of this prision far behind.

Counting the hours from after school
to when I'd have an excuse to see you again.
I wait for you after practice,
almost expecting a lack of enthusiasm.
Pulling up energy from hidden reserves
you're able to give me that classic grin,
making me smile,
only if it's to make you happy.

Driving you home
silence builds up in the car.
Although I thought it was awkward,
but the comforting warmth
of your hand on mine made me feel more at home.
Looking out the window
scanning the sunset and brightening stars,
they reflect in your eyes as they switch
from sweet, baby blue
to deepening royal blue.
You're eyes always reminded me
of the changing tides at sea.

Almost relectant to let you go,
it feels like I'm holding on to you
like the moon holding on to the light
before the eclipse.
The lids closing over your eyes,
tells me that this eclipse in judgement
is almost over.
Letting our arms slide around each other
as soft as the fading light from the moon
your lips touch mine.
I feel my stomach falling through like a meteor to the earth below us.
After you've pulled away,
the light comes back to the eternal moon.

The eclipse is over... and I got the best view.

And.It.Matches.Your.Eyes

2003-06-10T23:43:00.000-05:00

Going far beyond thought,
beyond all meaning left in your words,
searching for what's left to salvage
of old buildings that sheltered our dreams.

Because all I'm looking for
are the words to say,
that I want to be there with you.
I'm not the best at admitting I'm falling
or saying that I'm sorry for staring.
Because the clouds are so beautiful after a storm...
and it matches your eyes.
I just thought you should know.

Leaving my windowsill far behind me
the pavement is cold on my bare feet,
leaving splattered puddles of dew in my wake...
I need to reach you before you wake up.

Because the world outside is still sleeping
and the most beautiful part is you,
lying in my arms.
Maybe if I get there before you open your eyes
it will seem like I was there the whole time,
because I'm tired of missing your eyes when they see the world.

As the sun creeps up the walls of your room,
shadows cast from lamps and bed posts set the mood.
Covered in white sheets,
it reminds me of the innocence you're always covered in.

Because nothing is more perfect than
your arms around me while we sleep.
I'd give anything to wake up
next to you again.
Even if we really never fell asleep in the first place.